time bomb
by genieforyourworld
Summary: They have plenty of scars between them, and there will certainly be more to come. — Allen/Lenalee


**disclaimer****: i do not own any part of the series.**

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**-  
time bomb  
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Lenalee knows what being afraid means. Probably better than anyone she knows. That's why she is fearful in everybody else's stead. They can't afford to be afraid, so she takes on the responsibility for them. It's a tough job, and she doesn't show it, but someone has to do it.

Allen needs to be strong and courageous the most. She is unsure as to why he is so sturdy, she'd like to know his secret.

She has seen Lavi at his darkest and knows that Kanda is falling apart little by little behind the scenes. And she knows all to well what it is like breaking down piece by piece. It's painful and every part of the body is aching and _aching _and there was so much…

It wont be long until Allen loses himself too. It's inevitable. A time bomb ticking faster and faster as each day passes. The world seems to be out to get him, chasing him and bearing fangs larger and deadlier than any akuma they have faced. Yet he is like family. That's what the Order used to be – home. Even though it seems like home is long gone and they're facing an ugly war, she still cares.

She still feels protective of him and the others. Lenalee wants to hide him from the world, hold him protectively in her arms. She is afraid to lose him.

...

She finds herself wondering if the man he is becoming in front of her is the same little boy Mana Walker took on as his own.

It's horrible, the thought that anyone could abandon him – this strong, heroic and tragically beautiful boy. Allen has experienced so much pain — he doesn't appear scared no matter the circumstances — it baffles her as to why he can keep smiling and keep moving forward. On days and nights where she is alone with her thoughts, Lenalee wonders do his birth parents ever regret leaving him, would he have made it through the bitter season changes if Mana had not found him?

She doubts it.

For that, she is thankful.

...

When she finds him with a pile of food — pastries, meat, mitarashi dango and several more she cannot name — and a close to full deck of cards scattered on the table, she laughs. He is still Allen Walker, a name and identity that cannot be taken or stolen from him.

It is hard waiting for the explosion to come, and when it does, Lenalee is positive that they will not see it coming, but she smiles at him anyway as he talks with a mouthful. His English accent is smooth and warm, still there and not lost in foreign dialects or tongues from his round the world travels. She ponders, briefly, how he and the 14th Noah may differentiate, do they have the same rich verbal tone, the same glittery silver eyes? She hopes that she will never find out.

But that is another countdown she can't avoid.

She asks if he is alright.

"I'm fine," he answers with a smile. "There's no need to worry. I promise."

She knows he will keep his word.

...

There are dark times ahead. The fights are getting longer, tiring, harder and she has been so afraid of dying at times she cannot even forgive herself.

Lenalee attempts to look for the light – for her brother, for Allen, Lavi and Kanda, the people who are her friends and surrogate family. She wants to help, be a hero too. She burns to fight for a future of child-like laughter and peaceful smiles.

It is hard and one of the most difficult things she has ever done, being afraid and holding it together for not just herself, but for everyone else too. She knows, deep beneath the skin, that Allen is petrified of losing himself. People have said things to him. She has a pretty good feeling who it is. That thought rips at her stomach and almost tears her insides. She wants things to go back to the way they were – the crazy missions, Komui's antics, the boys petty arguments. They seem light years away now.

...

He tells her everything is alright. She has faith in his promises. It may not end in happily ever afters and perfection, but he tries his best. They have plenty of scars between them, and there will certainly be more to come.

Lenalee waits impatiently for the nightmares to become reality. It gets too much sometimes and all she wants to do is cry a bloody river.

She is fidgeting again, fingertips pulling at the frayed ends of her skirt until Allen rips them from the rough clutches of the material. He isn't angry though, he is never angry with her. In fact he is smiling again. It is a sad grin – forced and crooked for her sake.

It is hard not to sink into his full open arms and force herself to try and forget the fresh wounds, but she resists, letting the pads of his gloved fingers lightly brush against hers like they have done so many times before. A recognisable gesture of comfort and solace that reminds her of sweet dreams, practical jokes and _home_.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. The words are frayed and singed with remorse and empathy – Lenalee realises how alike she and Allen are. The tears are hot and heavy under her eyelids and she _doesn't want them to fall. _

She tells him to hush — like a mother to her son — and gives him her best smile. A smile she has been practising for as long as she can remember (which really isn't _that _long). He laughs back at her lightly and they come to a mutual, silent understanding. She has never asked much of Allen out right before, usually he would just understand. But she asks him to take her around the world, show her all of his favourite places. She wants them to travel and be free.

They wait to serve their duty first, however.

And she will wait for forever.

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**extra: **i have wanted to do a story for this series for a while now. but i was re-watching some of the early episodes the other day and was inspired. hopefully it came out alright.

_Review._


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